"..my power is made perfect in weakness."
Oh, weakness. I need to remember this verse often. I usually try to avoid weakness, try harder, more effort, etc. But weakness. I think it involves surrendering. That's why it takes us so long to wrap our brains around it.
This week I feel weak in two areas:
1. Being a parent of teen agers. Give me a crying baby - but a teen ager talking back? A teen ager trying hard to grow up too fast? Then I find myself getting sucked into their arguments and now I'm acting their age. Lord! Wisdom. But first surrendering and accepting that I am weak. Not just accepting but embracing and glorying in my weakness. Because when I do then I step aside and God works His strength into it and I can rest, stop striving, and give it to Him with open hands. I am so thankful He is their perfect parent that I know I can't be.
2. Being a missionary. I am a failure at this too. I don't sit up until midnight writing Bible studies. I don't run around to 5 people's houses daily in the village teaching literacy. Isn't that what I ought to be doing? Sometimes I look back on the day and ask myself what I even accomplished for His Kingdom. Maybe we all do that some.
I don't feel confident in the language. I don't feel confident that I can even relate to the women here. I don't feel like I communicate even when I am saying words that they understand. I am weak. But yet, He has me here. Yes, in some ways I can see the years here have connected us. A lady was here today. Her son was killed last year. But I knew him and had memories of him because of the years we've been here. I believe it was a comfort to her. Sometimes I think God purposely doesn't let us see how He uses us so we stay humble. Yes, I feel very weak. I don't feel like I'm doing anything for Him. But I'm willing to keep this maid's eyes looking to the hand of her master (Ps123) and obey what He tells me to do even when I feel weak. Especially when I feel weak.
"So that Christ's power may rest on me."
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