Macario's testimony...

Vicente (our co worker) just talked to his uncle Macario in Chiltepin recently.  (this excerpt is from Vicente's newsletter):

Maracio recently shared all the the difficulties he and his family and the other believers have faced simply for believing in God.  Many people verbally persecute them, view them as if they are inferior, treat them bad, and others try to force them to work in the drugs.  But in light of that they have stood firm and constant in their faith in Jesus Christ.  Macario said,  "Even if they insult us and treat us bad,  we are going to stand firm, and every day we will remember everything that God and Jesus have done for us."  

 These are the words of Macario.  He said that these difficult tests have made his faith stronger.  Pray for Macario, his family, and the rest of the Guarijio believers.  Right now the believers don't have anyone to teach them the Word of God but the are still staying strong. Vicente and his wife want to be with them and encourage them with the Word but for now God has them in missionary training. They pray that next year they can be with the Guarijio and encourage them.   
(Photo:  Our co-workers Vicente and Edendira and baby Misael)

Note from Benders:  we are also looking forward to teaching and encouraging the believers when we arrive Dec 14th.  Please pray for safe travels as we travel 12 hours on Monday back into the mountains of Mexico to the town of Chiltepin. 

December

Yes,  we are hoping to leave here Dec 5th .  We have been in contact with our contingency team and have been asking our Guarijio friends (those in the city with internet) what they have heard.  So far it seem that things are calm in our area.  But there is still information to be gathered and we'd selfishly like to know before we leave if it's safe or not!    We don't really want to drive across the country if our way will be blocked again. But we will do what we can on this end to gather the intel we need. 

 

The girls have adjusted completely to Maryland.   The youngest, Jenna, seems the most excited about returning to Mexico.  The other three seem very content here.  So we'd appreciate your prayers for adjustment back, for friends once they get there, and a sense of personal purpose for being in Chiltepin. 

 

Vicente and his wife  had a little baby boy in October. Here is little Misael.

They still have plans to finish the missionary training and return to Chiltepin as missionaries in the fall of 2016.   

They are doing well at the training center.

 

The long term plan New Tribes has for Chiltepin is that Vicente has full time partners.   We had hoped the local church would be their 'support' team. But after talking to leadership we realize they just aren't spiritually mature enough to be the support Vicente would need and everything would fall to Vicente's shoulders.   So New Tribes is open to finding another set of partners for Vicente.  But, in the meantime, until someone comes along, it is our goal to commit to 4 or 5 months every winter to being co workers to Vicente and his wife. 

 

Pray for us as we return - to truly know how to love the Indians in a way that communicates to them.  They like us and the favors we bring - medicine, photo copies, a cup of coffee...  but we want to be more than that - we want to show Christ's love.  It can be a challenge with such a different culture.  We've learned that if we gift someone something - sewing needles or a piece of cloth or a few eggs- and their neighbor finds out and we don't have the same thing for them they get really jealous towards the first person and it actually causes problems.   So we feel like our hands are tied even to help someone in a small way.   Please pray for wisdom.

 

Please pray for me against the spirit of fear.  Some times I get overwhelmed with anxiety that I will struggle like last time - alone without partners.  But I know I have truth in my heart now, and am more healed- but the enemy likes to attack with fear.  Some days I'm fine - and other times I'm overwhelmed.  I think the fear is worse that reality itself - so please pray.    

 

Thanks so much!  Machelle for all

September Update

I feel like I've been so out of touch.   (My fault! )   We've been so focused on fitting into this "new" world (the US)  it takes a lot out of me.

For those who can't figure out where we are.....

Yes,  we went back to Mexico.     No, we didn't stay.

Upon arriving in July we found out there had been a gun battle on our route to our village.   These things are usually overly exaggerated so we didn't really believe what we heard.   Our leadership had heard nothing, it wasn't in papers, so we figured it was a rumor.   Once we arrived we were hearing the Guarijio saying, Don't come now, it's not safe."

  So we did make some calls to folks in the mountains and  our leadership called the embassy and their contacts.  Eventually in was confirmed that 42 people had been killed and a doctor and a nurse had been gunned down on their way to help.     Other factors were involved  and  we determined  that it wasn't safe to travel that road at this time.

In December,  the river will go down, and we will be able to drive the road we normally do.  That is a different route than the gun battle was on.   Also,  we don't have to cross over two different cartel territories on that road - so we feel it will be much safer.  We will also investigate through our contacts as December approaches.  But overall we feel that will be a much better option for us.  

So in the mean time we came back to Maryland.  We still had  3 months of furlough time saved up so we all had a peace about returning  to the US for now - rather than being in limbo and trying to find something to do for 3 months in the city in Mexico.    

It's been a easy adjustment to come back to the routine we had been on furlough.   We fit back into the friendship we had built and the activities that we had had.  Dennis is working on the farm again and they are glad for his help.  It has been very healthy for all of us.  

Thanks for your prayers.

Jacob  lays his head on a rock to sleep.  He thinks it's a normal evening - a normal rock- normal circumstances.   Maybe he's worried about his brother wanting to kill him.  Maybe he's scheming something new.  Maybe he's thinking of a future wife.  Or is he thinking ,"This rock is hard!" or is he too tired to care?

But then God shows up.   Unexpectedly, with out Jacob even seeking or getting his life straighten out.  Jacob didn't have a praise session before bed and maybe he didn't even say his prayers.  But God reveled himself. "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go"

And here is my favorite part:
When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it."

Not aware of it.  Wow.   I'm often not aware of God's presence.  Sure I know in my head the Sunday school answer of God being everywhere.  

It makes me think of the last year we spent in the tribe.  Stress, loneliness, burnout, crying out God to show me where we were going wrong - and it felt like there was only silence.   I tried praying more, reading my Bible more,  singing praise songs - surely I wasn't spiritual enough and that was the problem.     But I only sunk deeper.       

Where are you God - in the dark place?  In the place where is seems you hide your face? In the hard place.     But sometimes only time will give us the privilege of clear vision.

 Over a year later I can begin to see some of what the Lord was trying to teach me in that phase of my life and I can begin to say - with all my heart-   “Surely the LORD was in that place, and I was not aware of it."

I have begun to see deep rooted lies that were so ingrained that would have never been reveled to me any other way.  Lies of pride:  I've given my life you God - now you owe me strength and peace.   Lies  of self martyrdom:  I must give up everything for others and not take care of myself.  I must sacrifice and that will make me more spiritual.  Lies of acceptance:  God loves the ones who work their fingers to the bone for Him.  There's always 50 things more that you should be doing- Keep working - God will love you if you achieve.     The lies sapped my desire, strength, made me doubt God  and ultimately made me ineffectual.

Like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum, I clung to my lies and insisted they were spiritual.  And like a parent listening to a tantrum, God let me kick and scream until I had no more strength and I was ready to climb into his arms.  

It's May and our furlough is flying by!

I haven’t been keeping up with the blog this furlough year.  I’ve been experiencing with you (all you North Americans) how life gets busy and passes you by.  Sometimes I feel like I should hang on tight as I watch the days fly by.

The girls say they’ve learned so much this year.   I know they’ve enjoyed:  robotics, piano lessons, guitar lessons, youth group, jr youth,  True Love club, babysitting,  cousins, friends, choring, landscaping, etc.    Much of what they’ve learned was how to inteact with this culture.  And they have done a great job of being brave, trying new things, and flourishing. 

Dennis worked hard building us a house in Maryland which we are now living in!  There are numerous projects but we have all the things we really need.   Dennis is now working on the farm: planting corn and cutting/bailing hay and any other jobs that come up.  (yes, even fixing water in the middle of the night.)

I struggled more than any of us.  The adjustment was much harder than I expected and working out the burnout we experience last year was a process for me.  After much time (about 9 months) and some sessions with a counselor I am doing much better.   I have energy again and have come out of my depression.   

Now that we’ve settle in and adjusted – it’s time to move again!  July 6^th has us driving back to Mexico! 

Our partners the Reeds have been alone in the tribe this last year but now are on a summer furlough.  Our other partner, Vicente and his new bride Erendira are in the tribe right now for a visit.  They have one more year of missionary training with New Tribes Mission ahead of them. (And a baby due October!) 

Vicente and Erendira

Our Maryland house

Happy New Year

Goodbye 2014

2014 was a very difficult year for me.   It started in the tribe alone and without partners (they had been gone a good month or longer already).    

Spiritually I was really struggling.  I was asking God for help but not feeling like I was receiving it.   Emotionally I was lonely.  I was so frustrated that I couldn't just pull up on those boot straps a little harder and put up with it.  I was depressed, hopeless, and full of guilt for feeling that way.   Adding on to the guilt was that my girls were also struggling with loneliness.     But we were being ‘faithful’ missionaries.   Trying to ‘finish well’ until our furlough year began.  

So furlough began in June.   I was hurt and wounded.  I though being stateside would fix everything.  The wounds carried over and festered in my heart.  I expected that being around wonderful Christian people and being at church and being able to fellowship with mature believers would heal me.    It didn't.  Then I was hurt that no one saw my hurt.    I was hurt that no one knew how to help my hurt.  I didn't know how to help me.   God was healing me a millimeter at a time.  But it was too slow.  It didn't feel like it was enough.    

A friend shared this thought with me:  “When I began my ministry I was walking WITH the Lord.  Somewhere along the way I began working FOR the Lord.  And then I burned out.”

That resonated deep in my soul.  Could it be that I inflicted this hurt on to myself?   Forcing myself to work for the Lord and be faithful and try harder when everything in my being was screaming ‘STOP!’     It seems God does NOT give strength and joy and power to the one who is working in the flesh, being dutiful, striving, attempting to please, and creating all kinds of wood, hay, stubble.     But it’s such a subtle deception.    Working for the Lord – seems spiritual.   Attempting to please,   attempting to be faithful to the end…….. a lie that seems so religious.      But all it did was kill and destroy.     

      Something in me feels very broken.  At a deep level that I can’t even reach.   A frozen level – that I can’t even cry over or explain. 

 But I’m sensing a slight thaw.   A drip or two.   I can actually write down these thoughts – something that I couldn't do for a long time.    A tear cried in church.  A momentary sunray of light in the clouds of depression.   A hint of hope.  A lessening of blaming God. 

So in 2015 I’m hoping the frozen place thaws completely.  I’m praying for healing and also understanding so I don’t get in this place again.