Jacob  lays his head on a rock to sleep.  He thinks it's a normal evening - a normal rock- normal circumstances.   Maybe he's worried about his brother wanting to kill him.  Maybe he's scheming something new.  Maybe he's thinking of a future wife.  Or is he thinking ,"This rock is hard!" or is he too tired to care?

But then God shows up.   Unexpectedly, with out Jacob even seeking or getting his life straighten out.  Jacob didn't have a praise session before bed and maybe he didn't even say his prayers.  But God reveled himself. "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go"

And here is my favorite part:
When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it."

Not aware of it.  Wow.   I'm often not aware of God's presence.  Sure I know in my head the Sunday school answer of God being everywhere.  

It makes me think of the last year we spent in the tribe.  Stress, loneliness, burnout, crying out God to show me where we were going wrong - and it felt like there was only silence.   I tried praying more, reading my Bible more,  singing praise songs - surely I wasn't spiritual enough and that was the problem.     But I only sunk deeper.       

Where are you God - in the dark place?  In the place where is seems you hide your face? In the hard place.     But sometimes only time will give us the privilege of clear vision.

 Over a year later I can begin to see some of what the Lord was trying to teach me in that phase of my life and I can begin to say - with all my heart-   “Surely the LORD was in that place, and I was not aware of it."

I have begun to see deep rooted lies that were so ingrained that would have never been reveled to me any other way.  Lies of pride:  I've given my life you God - now you owe me strength and peace.   Lies  of self martyrdom:  I must give up everything for others and not take care of myself.  I must sacrifice and that will make me more spiritual.  Lies of acceptance:  God loves the ones who work their fingers to the bone for Him.  There's always 50 things more that you should be doing- Keep working - God will love you if you achieve.     The lies sapped my desire, strength, made me doubt God  and ultimately made me ineffectual.

Like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum, I clung to my lies and insisted they were spiritual.  And like a parent listening to a tantrum, God let me kick and scream until I had no more strength and I was ready to climb into his arms.